His pubic hair was longer than his dick
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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