my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
