I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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