the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
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