I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
