I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
