Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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