I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
