trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
