If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
