I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
