so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
