It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
