I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
