I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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