Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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