farters have to be the big spoon...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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