Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
