so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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