ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
