you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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