see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
