You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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