My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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