I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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