I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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