I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
