I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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