How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
