well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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