he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
