Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I checked into jail on foursquare
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
