New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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