I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She even gives head with a lisp.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
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