My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
