How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
