Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
