it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
