Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
