I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
