I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
