I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
