i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
