She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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