the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
