We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
