Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
