living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
