margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
