remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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